Breakdowns: Mark Wahlberg Graduates High School With The Class of 2013S

Mark Wahlberg could have been your classmate if you were a graduating senior this year; Jimmy Kimmel is a C.R.E.A.M. loyalist—except that for Kimbo, Costco Rules Everything Around Him; and Julie Chen, despite her best efforts to be a white girl, still just looks Chinese.

  • Twerking svengali Jimmy Kimmel revealed to Andy Samberg that he did indeed purchase his wife's wedding ring at Costco. It suddenly makes sense why instead of having to choose chicken or fish options for the main course, guests just walked around to different free sample stations instead. [YouTube]
  • Julie Chen revealed that her eyelid surgery did not, after all that, make her look less Chinese. [EW]
  • Mark Wahlberg is officially a high school graduate, class of 2013. The panty baring prom king recently completed his high school education through a year's worth of online courses, after dropping out in the 9th grade. [Huffington Post]
  • Britney Spears announced that she will be moving into the annals of batshit Vegas performers (Hi Celine!), and taking up residence at Planet Hollywood. [EW]

Breakdowns is a daily roundup of all the news that wasn't interesting enough to deserve two paragraphs.