Tom Hanks isn't just fighting pirates, a larger battle is raging on inside his body; it's Showtime's fault that the finale of Dexter sucked; Cory Feldman's reputation has been ruined thanks to a little blog that could; Woody Allen loves lung cancer, hates lung cancer awareness.

  • Tom Hanks has more in common with Paula Deen than you might think. The Captain Phillips star revealed to David Letterman that he has Type 2 diabetes. He's also battling cholesterol issues, but he is what he is y'all. [Variety]
  • For all of you complaining about how awful the Dexter finale was, you finally have a scapegoat: Showtime. According to producer John Goldwyn, it was the network that wouldn't allow the writers to kill off Dexter at the end of the series. [Variety]
  • It seems that persnickety orgy rumors have hurt Cory Feldman's otherwise "sterling reputation." Hmm, wonder where those could have started? [TMZ]
  • Blue Jasmine will not be released in India, thanks to Woody Allen's refusal to comply with Indian law and air a non-smoking disclaimer at the start of the film. One billion people will now be unable to see Andrew Dice Clay perform his first non-rhyming role. [THR]

Breakdowns is a daily roundup of all the news that wasn't interesting enough to deserve two paragraphs.