Editing is at an all time low at the LA Times during the holidays; Leonardo DiCaprio does not want you to keep calm and party on; don't feel bad about stealing Netflix from your ex-girlfriend; and Ty Burrell is taking a page out of the Wilson-Vaughn playbook.

  • In a competition of one for most ironic lead paragraph of all time, while writing about Keira Knightley's views on feminism in Hollywood, The LA Times' Nardine Saad mused "Keira Knightley may be married, but she's still sounding the feminist horn for women in Hollywood." Who knew that married women generally aren't feminists? Long live the patriarchy, even in 2014! [LAT]
  • In response to the the stupidest arguments of all time that The Wolf of Wall Street is somehow exalting shoulder pads and corporate greed, Leonardo DiCaprio had to patiently explain "This film may be misunderstood by some; I hope people understand we're not condoning this behavior, that we're indicting it. The book was a cautionary tale and if you sit through the end of the film, you'll realize what we're saying about these people and this world, because it's an intoxicating one." So no, please don't go blow cocaine up anyone's ass this New Year's Eve. [Variety]
  • Go ahead and eliminate that twinge of guilt you probably don't even feel when mooching Netflix off of loved ones, instead of getting your own $8 account—CEO Reed Hastings' pay increases by $1 million next year, topping out at a cool $3 million, thanks to rising stock prices. [THR]
  • Modern Family star Ty Burrell pulled the best wedding crash of 2013: a lesbian couple decided to get married in a bar in Utah. Burrell, who co-owns the spot, happened to be around and served as an official witness. [TMZ]

Breakdowns is a daily roundup of all the news that wasn't interesting enough to deserve two paragraphs.