Bradley Cooper is making the rounds promoting his upcoming film Burnt, and he recently was the subject of a Details magazine cover story. No doubt drunk on Wet Hot American Summer-fueled goodwill, Cooper chose to tell Details, and, through Details, us all, a brazen and outrageous lie.

My friend, did you think we wouldn’t catch you?

In Burnt, Bradley Cooper plays a chef. Something bad happens to him, you can imagine, then it probably gets a little better. Then it probably gets worse than its ever been, and then I bet there is a happy ending. How did he prepare for this role? Well, he’ll tell you, crossing his fingers behind his back:

“I worked for most of my life as a cook.”

Mmhm. OK. Let’s do the math, then, Bradley Cooper. Bradley Cooper was allegedly born on January 5, 1975, making him 40 years old. So. Did he work as a cook from the age of 12 through the age of, at the very least, 33? Was he born a cook and chose to retire in his twenties? Is he a cook right now? He continues:

“When I was 15, I was a busboy at a Greek restaurant and then I worked as a prep cook through college. My mother’s side is Italian, so I grew up cooking all the time with my grandmother.”

Huh. Speaking generously, it seems Bradley Cooper spent, at most, four years as a cook and one year as a busboy. “Most of my life,” he says. Well, then. Are you seven, Bradley Cooper?

Bradley Cooper—

Are you seven?

If we are to believe that Bradley Cooper is not seven but 40, this leaves a glaring discrepancy in his cook resume, and an enormous lie in his Details cover story. Is he even fit to play the role of Chef in Burnt?

We have reached out to Bradley Cooper’s representation and will let you know when we hear back.

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