Country queen Miranda Lambert and reality competition show lifestyle coach Blake Shelton announced yesterday that after four years of marriage, they’re getting divorced. The couple first met at CMT’s 100 Greatest Duets Concert in 2005. Shelton later stated he fell in love with Lambert that night, during their eye-fucking performance of “You’re The Reason God Made Oklahoma.”
“I was a married guy, you know? Standing up there and singing with somebody and going, ‘Man, this shouldn’t be happening.’ Looking back on that, I was falling in love with her, right there on stage.”
Oh, that’s right—Shelton was married at the time, to his first wife, Kaynette Williams.
Anyway, he and Lambert were married at a San Antonio ranch in 2011.
A third potential Shelton wife has not been identified as the cause of his and Lambert’s breakup, but tabloid rumors that Shelton routinely cheats on Lambert have plagued the couple for years. In 2013, the couple even joked about it on Twitter:
Not knowing anything else about these two, you might be tempted to assume that frequent rumors of Shelton’s cheating (or perhaps the factual basis of these frequent rumors—if one exists) hastened the end of the golden couple’s marriage.
Blake Shelton’s PR team would like you to know that you’re wrong. Just take a look at this collection of anonymously sourced tabloid stories disseminated directly after yesterday’s divorce announcement.
Well, well, well. Sounds like the rotting carcass of this marriage lies directly at the cowboy boot-clad feet of Ms. Miranda Lambert. As one anonymous source bravely explained to People, “Blake is just that incredibly loyal and dedicated husband. I can guarantee you he has been faithful to that woman...he hasn’t cheated ever.”
There you have it. On top of that, Blake Shelton—a faithful husband, guaranteed by anonymous—was dying to have cute little babies, but his wife was too focused on her career. Page Six’s source explains: “He is eager to have children, but she really enjoys not being tied down...She really loves her career and touring.”
How’s a guaranteed faithful™ family man to fill his long late nights, now that a sinful jezebel has broken his heart? Us Weekly reports: “A source tells Us that since the split Shelton has been working on new music late into the night in the recording studio.”