Plan on never unhearing what you're about to hear about the Vanderbilts and their love of tongue play; if geriatric oral sex isn't your thing, TLC's new sex-focused reality series makes Kim Kardashian look like Jennifer Lawrence; Hollywood has joined the NFL in disenfranchising Native Americans for a quick profit; and a quarter million people who you never knew even watched Duck Dynasty now want Phil Robertson back.
- If you thought having a sex talk with your parents was hard, imagine having it with your 80-something mom about her ongoing sexcapades. Anderson Cooper revealed on CNN last night that his scion mother Gloria Vanderbilt once had him proofread her book, in which she, at the tender age of 85, described her then-lover as the "[Vaslav] Nijinsky of cunnilingus." How lyrical. [YouTube]
- TLC's latest bout at exploitation of the human condition is their four-part series Sex Sent Me To The ER, which is, well, exactly what you'd expect it to be. The exclusive clip of the purported reality show features some of the best worst telenovela-esque acting I have ever seen, and that's before we even get to the 440-pound virgin. [THR]
- Relativity Media is being sued over their upcoming Christian Bale-Casey Affleck starrer Out of the Furnace, due to their negative portrayal of the Ramapough Lunaape Nation tribe. Casual racism in Hollywood? You don't say. [CNN]
- More than 250,000 people have signed the IStandWithPhil petition to reinstate Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson, after he was placed on indefinite suspension by A&E, following his homophobic comments in GQ. [THR]
Breakdowns is a daily roundup of all the news that wasn't interesting enough to deserve two paragraphs.