Above you see a house in Los Angeles that Meryl Streep recently sold to Alex Rodriguez for $4.8 million. Here we are gazing out from the living room onto the patio. It's a beautiful home, no doubt. But—but!—what the hell is that pool?
Now, I am not Alex Rodriguez, certainly. Rodriguez, according to Baseball Reference, has earned over $356 million just by playing baseball. This doesn't count money he has made off endorsements or investments. It's safe to say that Alex Rodriguez is extremely rich. $4.8 million to him might as well be $480. But, still: if you're going to sell me a house for nearly $5 million it better have a pool that's grander than a koi pond.
What is the point of having a nice, expensive house (which you can see more of at Curbed) if your pool is basically a glorified foot bath? What a waste of $5 million. If I had $5 million to spend on a house, at the top of my list of features would be a large and luxurious pool. On this subject, I stand with Drake, a residential pool enthusiast:
"That's a water slide that comes from the top," he says. "I'm obsessed with, like, residential pools. One of my goals in life is to have the biggest residential pool on the planet."
Now there is a man who knows how to spend his riches. Alex Rodriguez on the other hand, well—Alex got played by Meryl Streep, let's just put it that way. I like to think that on a fine Sunday some time earlier this year Meryl Streep looked up from her couch, croissant crumbs slowly cascading away from her face like fluttering snowflakes, and gaped at her puny pool. "This absolutely will not do," she thought. "We must find ourselves a sucker."
That sucker was Alex Rodriguez. A sucker so pumped full of juice (steroids) that when he tries to dip into his pool it will be like a bison trying to wedge himself into a kitchen sink. What a waste.
[image via Redfin]