Defamer's Week In Review: Paradise was lost, gained, auctioned and recycled in front of our very eyes. Reflect with us after the jump, and we'll see you back here Sunday night for our Oscar liveblog!

· The last week before the Oscars, and so much yet to do! We've got to stalk Zac Efron's seat in the big blue Kodak Theater! We have to fill out our In Memoriam montage ballots! We have to get our party-crashing schedule in order! And in the end, it won't even be the show we dream of. Stupid Oscars.

· It was skeeviness as usual this week in the Chris Brown/Rihanna saga. Then someone leaked a photo.

· We presume that if and/or when Jimmy Kimmel grows balls and cuts Nightline's throat, we'll honor him with a commemorative late-night montage of his own.

· Formula for determining Kate Winslet's odds of winning an Oscar: (Number of nude scenes in nominated film) / (number of years her toughest competition has been acting). Doesn't look too good.

· Now hiring: ABC's art department. Must know Photoshop, but only barely.

· If you're an auction hound who likes bidding on things like Oscar junk or Michael Jackson's portraits of Albert Einstein, it was your lucky week!

· Contrary to convention, the people behind Watchmen absolutely do want you to try Billy Crudup's magical blue wang stunts at home.

· Which doesn't mean that Watchmen is any good, of course. Public Enemies on the other hand... And don't even get us started about the promised masterpiece that is What What (In the Butt) — The Movie.

· Tragedy struck Mickey Rourke when his beloved chihuahua Loki died, relegating him to the least interesting Oscar date possible. But! If his sense of spontaneity and adventure strikes, Vegas may let him borrow Natalia Montalvo for a night.

· And as if Loki's death weren't bad enough, 97.1 kicked the bucket today as well. We hate to think these waves come in threes — what could possibly be next?

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