Defamer's Week In Review: Sweethearts were lost, found, exploited and uncorked. Reminisce with us after the jump, and enjoy your Valentine's Day weekend!

· The ugly Chris Brown-Rihanna saga broke last weekend, blew up all week, spawned the text-message mystery of the young year and will apparently be settled by Jay-Z. Any questions?
· Mickey Rourke may show up stag and guzzle awards-show Champagne from the bottle these days, but we prefer to remember the good old baby-faced brooder days.
· Joaquin Phoenix's Two Lovers director regretfully confessed to greasing his star's slippery slope into the Letterman Celebrity Grinder.
· What's the only thing that could enliven Slumdog Millionaire's BAFTA monopoly? A hungry Sharon Stone cougar attack on its star, natch.
· This week in untoward liaisons: Madonna and Jesus. Salma Hayek and an African baby. Craigslisters and at least one Disney or Warners exec.
· Sure, TV on the Radio sounded rotten on SNL. But at least Radiohead and the USC Marching Band didn't kick their asses at the Grammys.
· Hey — Observe and Report looks pretty good! Inglourious Basterds looks... not terrible! And then there's Osbournes Reloaded. Watch at your own risk.
· Tough talent decisions gave American Idol's judges fits, but at least everyone can agree on the exquisite taste of Paula Abdul's new skull-plate jewelry.
· ABC experienced some turnover — Katherine Heigl (maybe) and Nicollette Sheridan are out, Bob Fosse and Martha Graham are in.
· Oprah Winfrey added Dr. Oz and Gwyneth Paltrow to her mortal-enemies list.
· Mike White traveled the world with his father on The Amazing Race and lived to tell — us!

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