Airborne bought the back of THR today to announce that the first actor or actress Oscar winner to say, "I'd like to thank Airborne for this award" at the podium would earn $1 million.

There are, of course, certain restrictions buried in the fine print: The product has to be held up for five seconds, you can't make disparaging remarks about it afterwards, the money is paid out over ten years, and—most alarmingly—the prize is earmarked for a charity of the winner's choice. (And Mickey Rourke's $137,000 bookie debt is not among the recognized charitable institutions.)

That said, what do you have to lose Mickey? A million bucks could buy the Human Society a state-of-the-art lapdog recreational facility. (You just know it's Meryl who's gonna scoop up the prize in the end, though, foxily slipping the endorsement inside one of her trademarked semi-coherent jaunts down memory lane.)

The full ad.

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