After this arduous week of battletweeting, it's time for the commenters who've done the best job to sit back and uncork some congratulatory Vitamin Water. Don't worry, kids: we've spiked it. So who won?

· procrastinator, esq. on Bart Simpson Pushes Scientology: 'Don't Have A Thetan-Ridden Cow, Man!': I prefer it when Julie Kavner uses her nagging Marge Simpson voice to leave me voicemail messages reminding me to go to temple on the High Holidays.

· SumitaSurtur on 'The Office' Porn Features Almost As Many Couplings As The Actual 'Office': Why in god's name is this not called The Orifice?

· Old No.7 on Sherri Shepherd Teaches Daytime Audience How To Position Oneself In A Sling: This same technique is also utilized by marine biologists to return beached whales back to the sea.

· kookla on Bill O'Reilly Challenges Jessica Alba's Knowledge of European Peace-Keeping: If anyone has been in an IKEA lately, you would totally understand what Alba means when she says Sweden is neutral.

· Eric D. Snider on Paris Hilton Certain That Reality TV Chef Is British Prime Minister: She better be careful in England. As an inbred, lazy-eyed, undeservedly wealthy attention whore, she's liable to be mistaken for royalty.

Congratulations to our winners!

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