Jan 19, 2009 02:15 PM
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Hollywood, 4:41 AM
Fri Mar 19
56 posts in the last 24 hours
Many of you have wondered if the eccentric douchebag featured recently in our Sundance quotes roundup was none other than newly minted faux-idiot Joaquin Phoenix. Let's examine the evidence!
First of all, some background: as we know all too well at this point, Joaquin Phoenix has grown out a beard and is pursuing a stunty fake career as a rap singer for what is clearly, clearly a mockumentary directed by Casey Affleck.
Also, your associate editor was inebriated at the party where he snapped this picture.
Anyway, let's try to figure this thing out.
REASONS WHY IT COULD BE JOAQUIN PHOENIX:
· Phoenix had a high-profile rap performance in Vegas on Friday (pictured at left). That's close enough to Park City!
· The beard growth is about the same on both d-bags. The blond wig on the Sundance d-bag (which threw us off) is clearly fake.
· Seriously, the Sundance idiot was so douchey that he approached self-parody (which is apparently Joaquin's new vocation). He was dancing like a loon and had oven mitts on his hands, for God's sake.
· The build (including the slightly bulging tummy) is about the same.
REASONS WHY IT MAY NOT BE JOAQUIN PHOENIX:
· It was at the Queer Lounge kickoff party? Which is not to say that New, Awful Joaquin is gay-unfriendly (though he is a rapper now), or that he's unaware of the fact that gays throw the best parties. But still, something to note.
· The Queer Lounge people we've talked to don't know a thing about it. Casey Affleck wasn't there and neither were any cameras (as far as we could tell).
· Though we're currently well-insulated in a Sundance bubble, we haven't heard any other news reports that place Joaquin at the festival.
· Actual Joaquin appears to have a more sizable soul patch and different nose (though the angle and iPhone camera could account for the differences).
THE VERDICT:
Hollywood is filled with douchebags.
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