By Seth, 9:23 PM on Thu Jan 8 2009, 6,041 views (Edit, to draft, Top, Slurp)

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· If there's one man who can help this calorie-obsessed junior bodybuilder spend less time focusing on his washboard abs, and more time acting like a normal kid, it's Mr. Phil.

Ha ha, just kidding—he's just doing it for gains in the all-important NAMBLA-members, 49+ demo.
· Lisa Bonet named her baby Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa, Cree for Runs From Schoolyards.
· Vulture says the Golden Globes website made a huge gaffe and starred the best actress in a motion picture winner by mistake. If you don't want to know who it was—don't click here!
· Spider-Man's next foe? The one they call...The Magical Negro! Watch out for his Nuclear Fistbumps, Spidey!
· He really needs the help of Master Legend, the real-life, ghetto superhero fighting crime around Orlando.