Defamer's Week in Review: Nicole's didgeridoo, Delgo's implosion, Scarlett's snot, and Scott's balls. They can all be yours once more — after the jump.

· Going once! Going twice! And Scarlett Johanssen's snot-saturated Kleenex is sold to the anonymous fucking freak over there behind the computer.
· Of all the crazy things Tom Cruise has read about himself on the Internet, at least he didn't get caught up in Nicole Kidman's utterly horrifying didgeridoo-blowing scandal.
· This Week in Hardware: Heath won (again). Miley and Mariah inched closer to Oscar. Chicago worshipped Wall-E. And Kate Hudson needs a new agent.
· Cinema may never see another star-studded box-office failure the likes of Delgo. Buy your commemorative posters here.
· Worst Week went to sitcom heaven, Anthony Pellicano went to prison, and Sam Bottoms caught the perfect celestial wave.
· The increasingly divisive SAG labor battle now has its own holiday greeting cards available. One condition: You can't send them to AFTRA members.
· Your Broadway astrology report: Mercury is rising in the House of Piven. Mamet is in retrograde.
· The whore-plagued bachelors of Momma's Boys sure could use a yentazilla like Ellen DeGeneres right about now.
· Jennifer Aniston went the necktie-bribery route to avoid any heinous Marley & Me spoilers on The Late Show.
· When the apocalypse finally comes to NBC, is there any doubt that the unkillable Jay Leno will be nibbling off the carcesses of Jeff Zucker and Ben Silverman?
· We published a photograph of Scott Caan's junk. Don't mention it.

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