Nov 24, 2008 02:20 PM
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Hollywood, 12:11 PM
Tue Feb 9
56 posts in the last 24 hours
Hopefully, most Defamer readers have a short work week and a long weekend to reflect on the descent into economic depression occurring in front of our eyes. With Obama naming his economic team today, it's time for you to put together your own team of advisers, namely your broker friend Steve and that attractive junior agent who told you that he has all his money in Turkish pharmaceutical stocks.
If today - November 24 - is your birthday: Thanksgiving day promises a variety of experiences and flavors for you. Metaphorically speaking, avoid the green bean casserole (Jealousy) and salty gravy (Anger) but eat as much pumpkin pie (Comfort) as you like. The executive producers may have demanded that you lose 20 pounds for that bikini-centric role, but your mom's turkey (Shame) is being served in large quantities.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21): A time for renewal is coming. Sure, you'll still be in poor health and not getting enough sleep, but those mid-season replacements will make your world bright again.
More star sign servings after the jump!
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19): The career of Steven Soderbergh, a fellow Capricorn, will illuminate the ideal lifepath for you this week. Indulge your indie and big-budget cinema impulses by renting sex, lies, and videotape and Oceans Twelve while you sit at home and eat your way through the studio's severance package.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18): Don't get too angry when that financing for your film directing debut falls through. You are destined to find a better project, and there was way too much animal acting required in your canine reimagining of The French Connection.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20): Horoscope blind item: Which high-powered entertainment industry Pisces has been ignoring his/her true friends and family in a single-minded pursuit of fleeting wealth and fame? [Hint: All of them]
Aries (March 21 - April 19): When a door closes, a window opens. It might seem like a dusty old chestnut, but considering your boss just cost the studio hundreds of millions of dollars and has been behaving strangely, you might want to leave his office door open to make sure he doesn't throw himself to his death.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20): Sure, you think those extra hours you've been puling at the agency are showing a high level of dedication and proactivity, but your fellow trainees see it another way. Get back into their favor by leaving early tonight. They will appreciate having a moment to themselves to bad mouth you and plot your demise.
Gemini (May 21 - June 21): You've been hiding something from your producing partner and it's time to come clean with her. No, not that great Michael Douglas-attached bio-pic that Management 360 sent you last week, but the three years of drug addiction-necessitated embezzlement that has bankrupted your shingle.
Cancer (June 22 - July 22): That engagement ring might be burning a hole in your pocket, but the time is not right. Sure, she's beautiful, funny and Jewish, but Sarah Silverman is unlikely to accept your proposal when it's in direct violation of that restraining order.
Leo (July 23 - August 22): It's time to put things into perspective this week: Instead of stressing out over what films tweens will want to see in the summer of 2010, just kick back and feel good about your slate of synergized vampire-teen pregnancy-high school musicals.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22): With large producing responsibilities come large amounts of stress, but feel free to take it out on your production staff. You're teaching them the valuable lesson that rage, not empathy, is the quickest route to Hollywood success.
Libra (September 23 - October 23): A clear sign from above will show you that maybe it's time to leave the development gig and go to law school. It might be cheesy, but your parents paid a lot for that plane to skywrite "PLEASE QUIT YOUR JOB AT LIONSGATE, JEREMY" above Santa Monica.
Scorpio (October 24 - November 21): Every time you think things can't get worse, they do. No, you're not doomed, you just keep watching that NBC clunker Crusoe.
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