· Hurry! Time is running out to decide your Defamer-brand Halloween costume: Is it The Maverick? The Icon? The Aberration? The Dreamer? The Rebel? Or are you and your bearish twin pairing up as Visionaries?
· We didn't believe it at first either, but Joaquin Phoenix is "nooommmf deadserious" about quitting acting.
· Now that Amy Poehler's out at Saturday Night Live, welcome her equally riotous replacement, Coldplay.
· Just when we thought New York offered the most touching sentiments regarding last weekend's horrible Jennifer Hudson family tragedy, along came The Back-Up.
· Which celebrity TV doctor went looking for a wife on Craigslist? And when he finds her, how long will it be before she demands a Michael Phelps rental?
· DreamWorks said goodbye to David Geffen, the LA Times said goodbye to Carina Chocano, Dancing With the Stars said goodbye to Cloris Leachman, and everyone said goodbye to Estelle Reiner.
· Every major network but ABC aired the boring-ass 'The Barack Obama Show,' but we're sure that episode of Pushing Daisies was worth it.
· Which was the better meme: "Contract, Guy, contract," or "Google me, you dumb fuck?"
· Now that Zac Efron has the No. 1 movie in America, there's no Footloose remake or shower-photo scandal too big for him to take on.
· Lauren Conrad more than made up for Hills castmate Audrina Patridge's sudden, shocking lack of visibility.
· Oscar season is upon us, if Disney's new Wall-E campaign and this week's Milk highs and lows are any indication.
· A hot zombie actress is terrifying, but nothing compares to the horror of moonshineface.
· The ladies at The View may still hate each other, but that won't keep them from a Happy Halloween. Follow their example — have a good weekend, everybody!

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