Got a paper towel handy? You may need to clean your monitor after watching this much buzzed-about clip of Joe Francis on Tyra yesterday, in which the slimy, Girls Gone Wild conspiracy peddler talks about Lindsay Lohan ("She's not gay!") and her girlfriend, "Samantha Rosnan" (close!). "You dated Lindsay?" Tyra begins, as an evasive Francis wonders whether ten margaritas and two successful exhortations of "Show me that firecrotch!" in Cabo can necessarily be defined as "dating." Then, talk turns to Lohan's sapphic inclinations.

It's here that Francis unloads, implying that Lindsay is the equivalent of a "lesbian until graduation" and stating that, uh, Rosnan is a "wretched woman...taking [Lindsay] down a path that's just wrong for her." Thank God, America, that we have fine, upstanding men like Francis who are so concerned about our young ladies going down the wrong path. Be there for her, Joe. Be a shoulder to cry on, an ear for her worries, and a positive influence who can help lead Lindsay out of the woods with a 12:30 am carton of pralines and cream and a tender, heartfelt message: "Those tits look great in that shirt, but I bet they'd look even better out of it..."

• The Tyra Banks Show

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