· This recent round of Wheel of Fortune is the most excruciating thing we've sat through in quite some time. "Hmmm....'blank-O-O-D BURNING STOVE.' Jeez, I'm stumped, Pat. Mood? Mood-burning stove? No? Fiddlesticks!"
· Madonna and Guy Ritchie would do it about once every 18 months, and when they did, "it was like 'cuddling up to a piece of gristle', Ritchie is said to have told friends." Having, in one of our lonelier holiday moments, spooned a picked-over turkey carcass a week after Thanksgiving—we feel for him. We really do.
· "Will Smith used a madame to procure male companionship!" says Internet.
· The McCain tongue-flapping grab-ass pic has its own Photoshop contest. We award the top prize to the A Christmas Story homage, replete with an adorable Barack in a duffel coat. Here's another take in animated gif form.
· And finally, ladies and gentlemen: Your Ten Most Humiliating Dog Costumes of Halloween 2008.

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