· Who will keep Madonna's mustache in her bitter divorce battle with Guy Ritchie?
· Not enough break-up drama? Can we interest you in a Grazer split? What about David Duchovny and Tea Leoni?
· Why didn't late-night pitbull David Letterman pin down John McCain for trying to grab Barack Obama's ass in this week's debate?
· Were you born under a Grazer sign? If so, have we got the horoscope for you!
· So which is it: Is Dakota Fanning a "diva from hell" or just extra-dedicated to her tween craft?
· How many stars has Ben Lyons fucked anyway?
· Who has the better cure for autism: Dr. Denis Leary or cleavage-therapy pioneer Jenny McCarthy?
· One way or another, will somebody at NBC please put Tina Fey back on the air already?
· Can any memoir ever really justify Marcia Brady's shocking, sudden candor?
· Have you mailed your last-ever fan letter to Ringo Starr yet?
· Which is the more proper artistic tribute to Angelina Jolie: A milk-spurting mall fountain or photos of hamburger-noshing?
· From the C-word to the F-word, can you believe the plunging standards on cable news these days?
· Is it Spock or is it Katie Holmes? And how did fighting with William Shatner become J.J. Abrams's life, anyway?
· Have you checked out our helpful new TV listings, "Watch Tivo Kill"? Well? What are you waiting for?

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