By Kyle Buchanan, 8:15 PM on Fri Sep 5 2008, 9,765 views (Edit, to draft, un-top, Slurp)

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Now that those exhausting political conventions are finally over, we can get back to the issues that really matter to hardworking Americans: sex addiction, huge breasts, and plastic surgery! That's right, it's time for another installment of Dirt Sandwich, prepared by Defamer videographer (and viable third party candidate) Molly McAleer. What's her platform, you ask? Why, it's to make sure that ordinary people have access to both universal health care and celebrity clip montages. After all, when that phone rings at 3AM, we need a candidate who knows how to deal with Jennie Garth's dramatic 10-pound weight gain, not one who'll have to learn about it on the job. That's the kind of experience you'll be getting from Molly McAleer on Day One — won't you cast your vote today?

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