By STV, 9:00 PM on Fri Aug 22 2008, 1,004 views (Edit, to draft, Top, Slurp)

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· Someone paid a visit to Closeted-Heartthrob Rapesville. Any suggestions?
· Join us in mourning for MTV past and present.
· Speaking of which, Spencer Pratt honed his worst-boyfriend routine. Heidi Montag withdrew to her blog.
· Critically injured manager/producer Joan Hyler is making a quick recovery. Thanks, Nurse Arihead!
· Jodie Foster's costly break-up threatened to upstage the Degeneres/de Rossi nuptials as the week's lesbian love story to beat.
· Meanwhile, lesbian-of-convenience Courtenay Semel set the bar high for all those who will follow.
· How did Christina Applegate beat cancer so fast? Oh. That's too bad.
· Who's the better comedienne pundit: Roseanne Barr or Victoria Jackson? Actually, don't answer that.
· The Fox-Warners Watchmen Blood Feud will only hurt the children.
· Democratic wedding postponer Scarlett Johansson isn't Kanye West's favorite white girl for nothing.
· In lieu of the CW showing us 90210 early, we settled for Shannen Doherty. Won't make that mistake again!
· Naked-boy photographer and Star Wars toy licenser Howard Roffman seems like a nice enough guy.
· Meet Wendy Williams, once and future TV talk-show goddess.
· We took leisurely summer field trips to Molly McAleer's closet and refrigerator. Pizza, anyone?
· As soon as God decides what He wants to do with the assholes remaking Poltergeist, believe us, we'll let you know.