You know what sounds good right about now? No, besides a few glasses of Glenmorangie. Yep, that's right, a mouthwatering Dirt Sandwich. Defamer's resident Sandwich Artist, Molly McAleer, spent all week combing through oodles and oodles of high-caliber celebrity infotainment programming in search of the tastiest ingredients this side of a fresh crop of salvia. This week's installment features Prince William's rapidly eroding hairline, TMZ's (imagined) kidnapping of Paris Hilton, David Foster's truly brutal verbal pummeling of Idol reject Jason Castro and, of course, Lindsay Lohan's minknapping incident (which, naturally, Dina Lohan chalks up as part of the vast media conspiracy against her eldest daughter). Enjoy!

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