Have you ever seen a pair of Secret Bangs™ in the wild?

Here are some facts:

  1. On May 5, 2015, Kristin Cavallari teased the existence of a product called Secret Bangs™ with an Instagram photo of her running through a mall wearing a headband with fake bangs attached.
  2. That post has since been deleted.
  3. Kristin officially introduced Secret Bangs™ to the world on July 8, 2015, in an infomercial. She promoted this informercial in an Instagram post.
  4. That post has since been deleted.
  5. Secret Bangs™, according to SecretBangs.com, are made out of a “Keratin-conditioned fiber that looks, feels and moves like real hair.”
  6. One woman featured in the infomercial said:
  1. When asked about her bangs in 2013, First Lady Michelle Obama said, “[They are] a little irritating.”
  2. On July 16, 2015, I ordered one pair of Secret Bangs (shade: dark blonde) for $29.99. I received a confirmation email, but my card was never charged for the order.
  3. On August 18, 2015, I emailed customer service to inquire about the status of my order. A “Jeffrey A. Miller, Esq.” emailed me back: “We are in backorder due to significant orders and we cancelled any outstanding orders that were not filled.”
  4. My order was not filled.
  5. Kristin Cavallari is no longer prominently featured on SecretBangs.com.
  6. “Significant orders” could be reasonably interpreted to mean “a significant number or orders” or “a few important orders” or nothing.
  7. Exhaustive YouTube, Twitter, and Instagram searches turned up not a single review of Secret Bangs™. A landing page for Secret Bangs™ was created on BrightReviews.com, but as of today, no one has written a review.
  8. Jeffrey A. Miller, Esq, has stopped responding to my emails.

Here is a secret: I think it is possible that Kristin is gaslighting me with the help of an attorney-run company solely committed to advertising beauty industry vaporware.

If you own a Secret Bang, please come forward.

This has been 500 Days of Kristin.

[Photos via Secret Bangs™ and Getty]