There are 471 days until Kristin Cavallari's debut and likely final book Balancing on Heels drops, and today Kristin has transcribed for us us yet another seemingly random sequence of 1s and 0s that, when taken as a whole, constitute her unfathomable moral code: Kristin only eats shrimp if she knows where the shrimp is coming from.
Kristin made this declaration on her eponymous app, linking to a report from Dr. Joseph Mercola (D.O.) titled, "The Toxic Profits of Shrimp Farming and Tin Mining," that would surely be frightening if it could be comprehended in any way. Though the information presented in the report contradicts much of what human civilization has heretofore found to be true ("the vast majority of fish...is too contaminated to eat"), Kristin has been changed by reading it.
"Shrimp used to be a go-to of mine while eating out," she writes, as visions of Kristin in a turquoise dress, her hair neatly scrunched into beachy waves, ordering "the scampi" from an oceanfront Californian-Italian trattoria crash over us like breakers. "I love a good shrimp cocktail but now I only eat it if I know where the shrimp is coming from."
... [N]ow I only eat it if I know where the shrimp is coming from.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to respect. Consider the emotions of the shrimp, and weigh them against your own. Only eat the shrimp if you know where it is coming from. Talk to the shrimp, and look it in the eye. Put yourself in the shrimp's heels. Try to balance on them.
Perhaps the shrimp is acting out because of its weird, cast-and-staged, show-biz adolescence. Maybe the shrimp, self-conscious about what it keenly perceives as its own intellectual shortcomings, clings to the only science it has ever been able to understand—an alarming yet easy-to-grasp "natural" science that is, in fact, tantamount to witchcraft. Honestly? It could be that the shrimp is just happy people are listening to it for once, even if it can't think of anything to say, so it just keeps talking because it feels nice.
Before you eat the shrimp, think about where it is coming from.
Kristin does not want to eat a shrimp from a farm.
[Photo via Getty]