• Defamer

    The Blockbuster You Only Need To Fire Once

    By Seth, 9:07 PM on Fri May 9 2008, 937 views (Edit, to draft, Top, Slurp)

    · Iron Man scores. Looking beneath the big guy's hood. Marvel's ready to make a movie out of anything they can slap a "Man" onto. Crushing Speed Racer into a little cube.
    · Picturehouse and Warner Independent, they sleep with the indie fishes. We pick through the wreckage.
    · Is Scientology® brand Baby Gruel hindering the development of Hollywood's next generation of disenturbulated superstars?
    · Oh Wachowskiiiis...Come out, come out wherever you are!
    · Who says Scarlett Johansson can't have it all? She owes it all to her five totally not-perving-on-her dads.
    · Sumner Redstone extends a gilded olive branch to Tom Cruise.
    · Susan Sarandon just gettin' by on biker tats and speed.
    · Lindsay Lohan loses an $11,000 fur and a job in the span of one week, but neither were really hers to begin with.
    · Twilight looks better than Lost Boys 2, but both could use a heavy dollop of Haim.
    · If Barbara Walters thinks Oprah's heels are hard to maneuver, how did she handle the corset, Bunny ears, and tray?
    · A couple resolutions: For Sarah Jessica Parker to shut the fuck up. And for Beverly Hills Chihuahua to hurry up and open already so we can witness a still-beating Chihuahua heart get plucked from the chest of a sacrificial lapdog.
    · There's gold nuggets in them thar Hills!
    · The wisdom of a John Cusack, Diablo Cody, or Bob Ross isn't all that different than you might think.
    · Madonna is just another housewife who didn't figure out she's a lesbian until she hit her 50s.
    · "And I'm proud to be an American/Where at least there's bikinis..."
    · Gearing up for the Scheisse Video Trial of the Century.
    · Team Taco Trucks!

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