That Cirque Lodge in Utah sure sounds like one helluva wonder drug. After spending several weeks there attending to what TMZ claimed was a"substance abuse" problem, Eva checked out on February 7th (the same day Kiki Dunst checked in!), but was recently seen joyriding through the weekend party circuit. (Lest you forget, Ms. Mendes was once a Campari model.) But Eva's not the only Cirque alum who hasn't quite kicked whatever habit they went in there with; illustrious fellow Cirque-ers include David Hasselhoff, Mary-Kate Olsen, Richie Sambora and our favorite topless "art" model, Lindsay Lohan. So how well did each of these stellar examples of tip top health fare after leaving the Lodge, sober certificate in hand? From hamburgers to hoovering powder on the beach, the verdict is in.

After entering Cirque in 2004 for what she claimed was an eating disorder, but may have had more to do with LiLo's favorite Nesquik flavored nose candy, Mary-Kate Olsen emerged looking healthier, but the last three years haven't exactly been void of party appearances and 21st birthday parties involving plenty of booze. Then there's Richie Sambora, who was famously seen (well, seemed to have been seen) indulging in some beachside snort-n-sniff with Worst Bond Girl Of All Time Denise Richards. And who can forget the crumbling remnants of a hamburger struggling to make their way into an intoxicated David Hasselhoff's slurring mouth as his daughter filmed the tragicomedy? Cirque's sole soberista (so far) is Lindsay Lohan, but recent decisions to "tastefully" show the world her tits do not exactly a healthy lifestyle make. The only way this pricey rehab can salvage any sort of rep is by releasing Kiki in top form. Which will happen when piglets fly, of course.

• EVA MENDES HAS A POST-REHAB DINNER WITH HER BOYFRIEND [PageSix.com]

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