If you've truly given up all hope of living a productive and meaningful existence, we guide you now to AccessHollywood.com's live feed from the court steps of today's Spears-Federline custody hearing, where you can spend the next hour or so listening in on Tony Potts and Girl with Star-Shaped Microphone submit to an explosive bout of verbal, Britney-speckled diarrhea. Once you've sated yourselves with their insights, you can then continue onto similarly fulfilling activities, such as follicle-by-follicle pubic depilatory sessions and seeing how many canned olives you can eat before puking.

• Access Live Stream: Spears-Federline Custody Hearing [accesshollywood.com]

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