How bad have things gotten for Tara Reid? Apparently, so bad that she'll have to travel all the way to a Marriott in Chicago to get someone to pay her a modest appearance fee in exchange for downing tequila shots, dancing on top of a bar, and occasionally shouting a slurred "Woooo!" on New Year's Eve, activities which a basic cable channel once paid her to perform at drinking establishments all over the world. We can't bear to see Reid in such a desperate state, so party promoters of Los Angeles, we beg of you: Please make her an offer to let her stay in town for the biggest (amateur) drinking night of the year; we're sure the Chicago people haven't sold too many of those $135 and $165 tickets yet, and would be compassionate enough to release her from her commitment if a less embarrassing offer came along.

• Future Forward NYE.07 [PureFuture.com]

Contact information for this author is not available.