We knew that it had been a long time since we'd seen him in anything, but we had no idea that To Wong Foo and House of Buggin' star John Leguizamo has already entered the ghostwritten, tell-all memoir phase of his career. Radar has a handful excerpts from Pimps, Hos, Players, Haters and All the Rest of My Hollywood Friends, Leguizamo's attempt to generate some buzz for himself by reminding the public that former co-stars like Arnold Schwarzenegger, Kevin Costner, and Steven Seagal are assholes, that he had a slapfight with Patrick Swayze while in drag, and that he may have been a party to a Leonardo DiCaprio sex tape. A couple of the anecdotes follow:

On his escapades with DiCaprio while filming Romeo & Juliet in Mexico: "We would have parties, just the guys playing poker and talking shit, while strippers danced on a table. And there were some adventures with the hookers that were videotaped, two on one, voyeurism, all that. Thank God for certain people's careers those tapes have been erased." [...]

Lusting after Ellen Barkin while making The Fan: "That bent nose, that twisted face. She looks like whoever was sculpting her had a seizure toward the end. All you think about is doggy style when you're with her. She tried to steal my lines but I didn't care because she's so hot." To describe her career, Barkin told him, "I fucked my way to the middle."

Sadly, the theoretical videographic documentation of DiCaprio's alleged, hooker-banging Mexican adventures were lost to the flying erase-heads of history; with no sex tape leverage with which to blackmail the more successful actor into casting him in his next high-profile project, Leguizamo might have no option for boosting his downwardly trending professional prospects besides calling up former lust-object Barkin, begging her to let him fuck his way back up to the middle.

• John Leguizamo Trashes Everyone He's Ever Worked With

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