· "F You, Redstone!": Cruise and Wagner get the keys to the United Artist kingdom. Our suggestion for its branded monolith. The media weighs in. And God created Paula. "Make the hurt go away, my sweet, sweet Les."
· For their $42.5 million, Universal gets one gay Austrian and zero flammable Noah's arcs.
· Anna Nicole stands accused of child highlight abuse, but not even Mark "All Access" Steines could have known that that was seriously the tip of the quickly melting iceberg.
· Studio 60: Flatlining in the dentist's chair.
· Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe go their separate ways, and an all-new blonde munchkin enters the picture.
· Courtney Love's "Taking It One Day At A Time Tour" makes a pitstop at The View, where hot new group The Defamers opens.
· The tiny mountain climber has been beside himself and refusing to yodel since he heard the news.
· "Y'all ain't listening to this. I'm up here, yo. I vant to drop some rhymes! Ah, fuck it."
· Marcia Cross invited to buy back her discarded innocence.
· Neil Patrick "Not of That Persuasion" Harris would like you to know that he definitely is of that persuasion, and he's about to share some nervous and uncomfortable People's Choice Awards related small talk with Isaiah Washington.

Contact information for this author is not available.