People has posted their $1 million get: the exclusive photos of Anna Nicole Smith and Howard K. Stern's symbolic-union-at-sea. From the looks of it, that fee further prorates to approximately $125k per zonked-out portrait of Smith and her legally unbinding lawyer/lifemate/rock exchanging "vows and temporary rings before a Baptist minister." (We'll assume any glasses being smashed after the "I do's" were purely accidental and probably methadone-related.) And while varying eyewitness reports have placed everything at the scene from Dom Perignon-powered speedboats to pasty-enhanced breast feeding sessions, the reality was that Smith's fake party-boat marriage was the kind of modest and low-key affair that is not at all out of place for someone who just lost their son to a mysterious drug overdose weeks before:

After the ceremony, the couple literally took the plunge into the balmy waters off the coast of a nearby island. After guests toasted the couple with champagne and apple cider, the pair celebrated in their own special way - with some fresh Kentucky Fried Chicken, ferried to the wedding party by sailboat.

While we somehow feel obligated to share TMZ's depressing scan of Daniel Smith's death certificate, we'd prefer to leave on a more uplifting note: the beatific image of a drenched Anna Nicole in virginal white, her false eyelashes dangling precariously close to the battered drumstick upon which she hungrily gnaws.

• Anna Nicole's Surprising Ceremony [People.com]
• Anna Nicole's Son's Death Certificate [TMZ.com]

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