· We don't want to ruin it for you, so just press play above without our words getting in the way of the greatest YouTube experience you'll have all month. [via Gawker]
· Seeing Paris Hilton in handcuffs is pretty good, but would it be too greedy to wish that she would accessorize them with a dank communal cell in the worst prison in Rangoon?
· Jack Bauer: patriot, poet.
· Yes, PBS-loving alcoholics, Huell Howser has a drinking game.
· Page Six breaks our heart by siding with The Donald over our beloved Carolyn. We suppose we'll be OK just as long as Trump continues to employ Robin, the world's greatest fake receptionist.

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