· Without the benefit of paparazzi-eating lions to devour their camera-toting tormenters, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie now has to rely on Malibu's Finest to keep their family safe from unauthorized photography.
· If Paris Hilton wore underwear, hers would burst into flames and singe her ladyparts: "I've never danced on a table in my life."
· Every time a pair of celebrities announces they're divorcing, the baby Jesus poops his swaddling clothes.
· Courtney Love says that both Coke and a sexual lubricant company are all horny for a chance to use Nirvana songs in their commercials.
· This Fark Photoshop contest will scare you shitless, we can promise you that, though we fear that even linking to it will subject us to a lifetime of baby-rape suspicion. The 04:16:54 PM entry is a particularly soul-chilling vision of this alternate reality that we'd like to forget as soon as possible.

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