According to this generously scarequoted report from the set of the VH1 celebrity talent competition But Can They Sing? (Answer: no, they can not), it ain't exactly all incense and daisy-exchanging love-ins over there:

Things on the set are getting pretty tense today. Victoria Gotti is giving "comedian" and guest judge "Ant" the major stink eye, to the point where he needs to be "escorted" around the set by show staff. Meanwhile, a BRILLIANT cat fight is on the verge of happening between Morgan Fairchild and Bai Ling. The two have made it VERY clear during rehearsals that they don't care for each other - with Bai Ling almost lighting Morgan's hair on fire during thursday's rehearsal.

We give Ant another week before a PA finds him in his dressing room suspended from the ceiling fan with his nuts stuffed down his throat. As for the Fairchild-Ling Smackdown Inferno, may we suggest to VH1 that they dropkick the Celebreality Idol-knockoff douchebaggery and instead stick these two in a steel cage with a selection of blow torches, cordless power tools and a couple Battlebots (in a perfect world, Diesector and BioHazard, but we're flexible)? Come to think of it, they can even keep the singing part. It can only add to the carnage.

• Previously: Short Ends: Celebrities Shattering Eardrums [Defamer]

Contact information for this author is not available.