Nicolas Cage has finally made a clean break with reality, saddling his newborn son with the name Kal-el. As in Superman's Kryptonian birth name. We're genuinely concerned for the baby boy's future safety, and not solely because the tyke will almost certainly return from school each day wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. No, we fear that whatever drugs Cage ingested before naming the baby also make the proud father believe that the infant's been imbued with superpowers, leading to a tragic incident in which the actor realizes too late that little Kal is not, in fact, bulletproof.

• Oscar Winner Cage Becomes Father Again [AP]
• Gwyneth Paltrow Dooms Newborn Daughter To Life Of Fruit Puns [Defamer]
• Annals of Retarded Celebrity Baby Names: Breakfast Cereal Edition [Defamer]

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