Any time a hurricane strikes the Southeast (or fatigue strikes a crew member on a Tom Cruise set), the Church of Scientology dispatches an army of volunteers to help out. Perhaps realizing that the magnitude of the Katrina disaster required a high-profile relief effort, a team of underemployed celebrity ambassadors (we assume Cruise was too busy shooting Mission: Impossible 3 to personally—personally!—visit the site) was immediately dispatched to the scene:

John Travolta, Kelly Preston and Lisa Marie Presley were part of the Scientology Disaster Response Team that hit Baton Rouge and New Orleans this week. The controversial sci-fi sect doesn't always attach its name to relief activities. But this time, hundreds of "volunteer ministers" proudly wore church T-shirts as they visited a shelter. Travolta personally gave hurricane victims massages - or, as the church calls them, "assists" ...

We're relieved that the victims' basic human needs are being met in time of crisis: food, water, shelter, and creepy backrubs from a movie star quoting his favorite passages from Dianetics. Let the healing begin.

• Action figures [second item] [NY Daily News]

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