Wallow in the numbers that make the existential dread of another Monday morning seem a little less Kierkegaard-y:
1. Troy — $ 45.6 million
We said, "Will be huge," and accordingly were a little too enthusiastic about the epic's opening prospects. Maybe we overestimated what's under Brad Pitt's skirt...but we still think Troy's a grower, not a show-er, and should still make a ton.
2. Van Helsing — $20.1 million
Van Helsing suffered a 61% dropoff in its second weekend of release. Let us put this in layman's terms for those not familiar with the ways of the box office: Van Helsing is a shitty monster movie that people don't want to see.
3. Mean Girls — $10.1 million
On Friday, we saw this shocking picture of Lindsay Lohan smoking a cigarette and hanging out with Paris Hilton. Then Mean Girls went on to pick up another $10 million. That's the kind of positive reinforcement which will lead young Lindsay to some night-vision antics if someone doesn't stage an intervention.
4. Breakin' All The Rules — $5.3 million
Remember when you were a kid and stood on that fun scale at the science museum that showed you would weigh 600 lbs. on Jupiter? Similarly, due to science that we're not smart enough to understand, on Jupiter Jamie Foxx's movies look like blockbusters.
5. Man On Fire — $5.2 million
We were really, really hoping that New York Minute would surprise us and sneak into the top five (it finished seventh) so that we could discuss the Olsen Twins' hosting of Saturday Night Live. But we tuned in and were disappointed to discover the twins were a last-minute cancellation and SNL was instead hosted by a couple of painfully skinny chipmunks with no comic timing.