Unfortunately, our powers of projection are useless for any lucrative, practical applications such as betting the horses or reading juries at celebrity rape trials.
1. Troy — $63 million
America done loves it some epics. America also loves dudes scrapping in skirts. Braveheart: dudes fighting in plaid skirts. Gladiator: dudes fighting in metal skirts. Troy: dude struggling with the English language, but still fighting in a skirt. Will be huge.
2. Van Helsing — $23 million
Hey, did you hear that? No, no, not a werewolf howl. It was definitely more like the thud of a shitty monster movie crashing down over 50 percent in its second week of release.
3. Mean Girls — $8 million
No one can stop Lindsay Lohan. Not Denzel, Not Jamie Foxx, and certainly not some guy with weak evidence about the supposed enhancement of her chest.
4. Breakin' All The Rules — $6 million
Jamie Foxx's bad movies almost—almost!—let us forgive Chris Rock his big-screen sins.
5. Man On Fire — $5 million
Really, it's exceedingly difficult to pick on Denzel Washington. He's pretty much bulletproof after winning that Oscar for overacting like a five-year old with a mistakenly-doubled Ritalin prescription in Training Day.
This week's embarrassment to even drunken film students with video-capturing cameraphones: New York Minute, which has twelve-year-olds realizing the Olsen Tween Industry is playing them for suckers and movie studios running in the opposite direction.