Variety television editor/Franklin Avenue blogger Michael Schneider has a rundown of the orphan heat that Hollywood's currently warming its derivative hands over, with at least four sudden-orphan-custody projects on the horizon:

Hmm. Lemme guess. At first, the lead characters will resent their newfound responsibilities and wistfully look back at their carefree, single days. By the second act, they'll be looking into ways at moving the kids to another relative. But by the denouement, they'll realize just how rewarding it is to leave behind those carefree days to become a responsible parent to these orphans.

But he forgets to mention the upcoming Jim Carrey/Jude Law bastard-rific blockbuster Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events, which features a trio of young children orphaned by their parents' untimely end in a fire. Is an orphan technically a bastard? We've always struggled with that one.

Any chance people in Hollywood will start offing themselves to give their children a better, more filmable future? Could be a goldmine for the Olsens.