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Continuing the proud literary tradition of Ethan Hawke, actor/former Michael Jackson playdate Macaulay Culkin has written a novel. Junior will be released by Miramax books next spring and will reportedly be based on Culkin's life. Defamer, as always, is right on top of things and has already obtained this excerpt:

Junior Mac stood facing the ferris wheel. A rhinestone-encrusted, gloved hand gripped his shoulder as a llama ambled by. How did I get here? Junior wondered, looking up at his host, who was busily trying to reattach his outdoor nose appliance. Just yesterday it seemed like he was on the set of In The House Without Parental Supervision, slapping his hands onto his face and screaming adorably.

UPDATE: Will there be a chapter about how being deprived of a normal childhood makes former child stars throw like a girl? Says a reader about Culkin's recent ceremonial first pitch at a Cubs game, "[S]hould have seen the throw ... horrible!!!! I think it went up about 30 feet in the air ... and came back down near the backstop!!!!"