In discussing the possibility that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher might have recently married in a top-secret, Kabbalicious ceremony, we wondered what said ceremony might look like. Protocols (tagline: "A group of Jews endeavors towards total domination of the blogosphere") blogger Steven I. Weiss actually picked up a phone and tried to find out. [Ed. note—That sounds uncomfortably close to "reporting." You're a blogger, now put that vodka bottle back in your craw and keep typing, monkey!] Of course, what follows is totally expected, except that Weiss doesn't mention the part where they try to sell you a case of their magical water:
So I call the Kabbalah Centre in L.A. and say I'm wondering what the ritual is for a wedding there. So they send me to a guy who, ostensibly, can answer my questions. I tell him I'm looking for information on the wedding ritual, and he tells me there are two tapes he can give me to answer my questions, then proceeds to ask me for a credit card. I asked to be forwarded to media relations, and left a message with the publicist.