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We've already predicted that Envy is not exactly going to set the weekend on fire; all indications are that it's more likely to be a brown paper bag full of dog shit aflame on Dreamworks's doorstep. Sure, giving Jack Black a Lollipop Guild hairdo and putting him in the center of a movie about feces sounds like box office gold on paper. Let's just be thankful they didn't give him a talking dog.

If you want to see a roundup of the excreable reviews, including the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's pithy gem "Dull and Duller," click here. But what all of these bad reviews need are some good, scatologically-bent headlines. We're going to pitch a few against the wall and see if they stick:

-Dreamworks Dumps Doo-Doo Movie Into Crowded Weekend at the Box Office
-School of Poop
-I Know Where You Shat Last Summer: Shelved Envy Finally Gets Released
-Sometimes There's No Shame in Letting Your Horribly Realized Dog Poo Movie With Two Major Stars Go Straight to Video
-Hey, Honey, I Think Ben Stiller Had Corn for Dinner