The Projectionist: Tina Fey. Jailbait Enabler

This week is a tough one, with four major releases joining the fray. (We're feeling generous and including Envy as a major release.) Predictions are for recreational purposes only, and any profits reaped from the misuse of these projections should not be used to greenlight any further remakes of marginal movies from the 1970s and 1980s.

1. Mean Girls $20 million
Reportedly "smart" (read: an absence of Freddie Prinze Jr.) high school flick written by SNL's Tina Fey. The movie's first-place finish will result in even more incredulous "I'm a sex symbol? Get out! I don't see it at all!" comments from Fey as she supervises the airbrushing session for her Maxim spread.

2. Man on Fire $16 million
The headline-pun industrial complex is already preparing its "Hot Girls Put Out Denzel's Fire" riffs.

3. 13 Going on 30 $14 million
Mean Girls, 13 Going on 30, the Olsen Twins getting a star on the Walk of Fame. If an alien reconnaissance party landed in Hollywood this week, they would report that the entertainment business is completely controlled by teenage girls that the rest of the world is patiently waiting to have sex with.

4. Godsend $11 million
Silly, fake cloning website! We know you're just a tired marketing ploy that hasn't worked since Blair Witch Project! Now get upstairs and do your homework, or we're going to send Robbie De Niro over to Scorcese's house to make a real movie.

5. Laws of Attraction $8 million
Mom needs something to see while Dad takes the kids to Mean Girls just to ogle Lindsay Lohan's burgeoning womanhood. Shame on you, Dad, you have a daughter that age! Mom should probably drag you to therapy.

New release not cracking the top 5: Envy, which has been in the can so long family members are drawing straws to make sure it didn't die on the toilet.