This is what is definitely going to happen at the movies this weekend. Predictions are for recreational purposes only, and should not cost any studio executives their jobs, however hilarious that might be.
1, 13 Going on 30 $22 million
We know exactly what we'd do it we woke up in Jennifer Garner's body, and it's definitely not fit to be published in a family publication such as Defamer. That alone might be worth the $22 million.
2. Kill Bill Vol. 2 $20 million
Expect another week of Quentin Tarantino guest-directing TV shows, motor-mouthing on talk show couches, and working on his shrine to Uma Thurman's feet.
3. Man on Fire $19 million
Revenge movies are the new "casting black actors in remakes of 80s comedies originally starring white guys," and this is only the second-best revenge movie around. But Denzel has a shot at coming in second and going over $20 mil, and maybe getting hooked up with a remake of Lost in Translation.
4. The Punisher $11 million
In an ill-advised abuse of his newfound semi-fame, Thomas Jane tried to cut the line at a Brentwood Starbucks. He was shamed to the back of the line when the barista revealed that he'd starred in the 1991 film version of Captain America. Oh, there it goes again! We've already forgotten who Thomas Jane is.
5. Johnson Family Vacation $4 million
We're not sure what it says about the state of American cinema when Johnson Family Vacation is in the top 5 three weeks in a row, but we're very drunk and ill-equipped to make sweeping declarations about American cinema.