Fearless box office predictions which can easily be altered on Monday to make us look like geniuses:
1. Kill Bill, Vol.2
Volume 1 opened to $22 million and the bare-bones DVD moved two million units in under a week. The Bride's going to slice up Bill, The Punisher, Jesus, and some crossdressers and finish above 30 mil without getting any blood on her yellow jumpsuit.
2. The Punisher
Despite the all-out advertising blitz, you can't sell a superhero movie without the superhero. Quick, name one movie with Thomas Jane in it. Can't think of any? Well, he might be the Punisher, but we're not sure. Not everyone can squeeze into Kill Bill, so maybe it will go for $15-$18 mil.
What kind of world do we live in when Ron Pearlman is a better action star than The Punisher? I would say he's a better action star than Thomas Jane, but I've already forgotten who that is.
4. Johnson Family Vacation
If you say this film is a hit with the urban audience, we're going to call you a racist. If you say this film is funny, we're going to call you call you an idiot.
5. The Alamo
Fifth place means very little, but it can't be much worse than last week's opening disaster. Someone's going to find Eisner in his office Monday morning, the last remants of his "stress pillow" lodged in his teeth. Also, an assistant might be dead.
Where's The Passion? We think people got all the Jesus out of their systems on Easter.
Opening but Irrelvant: Connie and Carla
Even though all of our mothers and our slower brothers and sisters still go to the movies once in a while, the Big Fat Greek Wedding crowd will largely ignore Nia Vardalos pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman pretending that she's a postop something or other.