The 13-week job interview is over. Donald Trump can rest now, knowing that he has knighted a worthy Trump Organization leader in vanilla, internet cigar mogul Bill Rancic (as we predicted). The Donald can now kick back and spend a few days in the hyperbaric chamber that preserves the somewhat hairlike organism that lives on top of his billionaire head, emerging only to have brief, sexual encounters with Miss USA hopefuls and dream of the Time Man of the Year cover that is surely to follow.

The Apprentice's supersize two-hour finale trounced all comers last night, finishing first in the ratings and averaging a 14.6 rating and 23 share.

We in Hollywood call these ratings "boffo." Those in less civilized places call them "extended shots of Trump's supermodel fuckbuddy in a low cut evening gown."

But what's to become of Kwame Jackson, everyone's favorite laid back runner-up? According (albeit briefly) to the USA Today website, Kwame was named as Trump's Chosen One. It's since been fixed, and we're seeking confirmation as to whether USA Today's television beat was temporarily turned over to Omarosa while their editors played The Apprentice coke-binge game.


USA Today Web Site Names Wrong 'Apprentice' [Reuters]