Wherein we attempt to translate the humpy gabber's gossipspeak into Standard American English:
On Angelina Jolie's recent sex life:
"We don't discuss her private life," snipped a repper for the semi-raunchy Oscar nabber. Then: click.
Damn! I'm just a columnist trying to do his mattress duty here. I'm not calling to ask if Ms. J. cheated on her taxes, ka-peesh?
Standard American English:
The publicist of the Oscar-winning, sometimes controversial Ms. Jolie issued a "no comment" to the inquiry into her client's intimate affairs, then hung up the telephone. Mr. Casablanca explains that he's just trying to execute due diligence as a gossip reporter, not trying to find evidence of legal wrongdoing, such as income tax evasion. He then uses a phonetic bastardization of the Italian word capische, which translates as "Do you understand?"
Now we do, Ted.
The Awful Truth [E! Online]